juuuuayyy....

Why is it when everything is going to hell, when a lot of things are screwed over, you show up in that precise moment, are willing to listen to me, to tell me I'm right, and to even make jokes on how right I am??

That's another reason why I love you even more, it doesn't matter if it's 3 AM on a Tuesday, you listen and comfort me. You are the voice of reason when everything is just a pile of idiotic crap. I know you have done your fare share of things that have hurt me, I know I gave you power over me, I know I have also hurt you. But in the end, it doesn't matter how far you are, the time of day, you are always there, you have always been there.

You want to help humanity, you want to get rid of the crazies and the dumb, you show me how right I am. I know I can't expect things from people who don't seem to deserve it, but the fact that your voice soothes me, is worth it all the way.

---- to be continued------

Things keep moving....

It's been a while, I'm thinking of shutting down this blog because, well I don't write in it as much. I've used it to vent a lot, but now.... I just don't see the point. Ohh well, let's see, I decided not to write in February (for the most part) because, the month sucks, but now that we're in March I can do so.

Several important things have happened. First and foremost... my high school mentor died, and I was here, once again not being able to go to the service (it just brings back memories of me not being able to say goodbye). I can honestly say, that a lot is lost without him.... he was a wonderful, talented man.

On a better note, things are good here, I like it, I don't lie I do miss my life in Mexico, specially the good people in my life there. Here it's ok, but it's never the same. I talk to my friends back home as much as I can, but it's never the same. I was able to see Robyn LIVE!!! That was a wonderful experience, since I'm not going to Coachella.

The NYC plan is on, we just have to figure out where we're going to live for 15 days!!! (I'm looking forward to reuniting with the tripod... May 20th in the airport, it's going to be crazy).

On a better note, I'm better now, I've been moving on from... "my postmodern" relationship... I'm not as intense about things with him as I was when I got here, I'm starting to forgive myself for my stupidity. That's a good thing. I know it seems like I always talk about him, but he's an important part of my life that I can't ignore and let go just like that.

I do good in school, I find it easier than back home. I have good times and drinking freenzys what more can I ask for.....

Till the next time.

Complications....

When I started this whole plan to escape, it's something I've always wanted, and as it turns out I need it. I convinced myself it would be the best thing, I for self growth, adventure, getting away from some crappy people that were surrounding me (from school), and getting over you; hell it had a lot to offer.

I made up a perfect plan, I convinced cognitively every part of me. That it was for the best.

And I began a process to get over you, it was great, but that lasted about 2 seconds, because in some way you attracted me right back to you. And not just in some way, but in the way that showed me that I'm important in your life. And theres nothing better than the feeling that you matter in someones life, and better yet, in the person you loves life. I'm all for the adventure, even though your irreplaceable, your the best guy in my life.

Although I know I'm doing the right thing, I must leave, I'm not turning back, I'm not leaving any space for regret. I need to move on, maybe the distance will let that happen, or maybe it will show both of us how much we may or may not need each other, there's a lot of uncertainty, and that no longer bothers me, what ever happens, will happen, and there's no inhuman force that can stop it.

I know there's a lot to gain from all this, theres a lot to learn, to rethink; but there's nothing to cry over or e upset about. It's all good. Maybe it wasn't our time, or it will never be -who knows- and there's no use wasting my time or other peoples time debating that.

The truth of the matter is that you can't put your life on hold for someone, it's not that easy. That's a selfish choice I made and learned a long time ago thanks to extraordinary circumstances.

Goodbye....

As you should know I will soon be leaving all this behind, finally after months and months of worrying and working out the paperwork and everything.... I will have a great escape in less than 15 days!!! It will be a grand jasminaen escape.... and I will have a lot to say about my adventure.

The only bad thing is that this whole escape changes a lot of things that could be....

but oh well no more bitching, hell, IT'S GONNA BE A CRAZED 2011 (hells better than '10), that I can assure. Have a good one people, bring in the '11 the best way you can.

My type of guy....

If you are observant, and an analyst you might have noticed that I'm extremely picky with people, and men aren't excluded from that picture, and combining my stubbornness, with my cynicism, and my love for nerdy things (like comic books, movies, computers, star wars, etc). I have always know the perfect man for me is: TONY STARK!!!

And yes, (in the movie story line, I'm aware the comic has a different line) I would be the "Pepper Pots to Tony Stark", why??? you ask??

The answer is easy:

I love a challenge (a powerful man), I enjoy cynicism coming from a man. Brains is a must, as is strategic behavior, alcoholism, and a constant party mood.

And that is why, Tony Stark is the perfect man for me!!!

You can't put a time stamp on love......

Trying to control love and time, is impossible; people who think that they can control either or worse, BOTH have issues.

I know it would be great if we could decide when, and how long we fall in love, or better yet who we love and put a time stamp that says "in 3 months this will expire"; that would just be great. But things aren't like that, life isn't like that. It would most certainly make life easier. Imagine that, you could say "I'm going to fall out of love of this son of a bitch in 2 weeks". But ohh hell no!!! When the going gets though, your still loving.

Time works the same way.... I learned the worst way, that time isn't a reusable o recyclable resource. You can't control time, you can't waste it, you can't leave things "for tomorrow". We can't leave things like that, tying lose ends, both time and love, we can't leave love for another time, we can't have a feeling and not act on it, that will only lead to self destruction. And I guess that's what's going on with me.... oh well, it's the price I pay, for being me and being stupid. Peace out y'all.

The stoooory of my life!!

I felt inspired with this song, call it projection.... or whatever........

Sweetness, sweetness never suits me, when I get up to take you home
Maybe it's love, love at first slightly drunk
Now I'm walking with the sun in my mouth

Worry, worry is a well, going to let it fall tonight, from where we stand

What can't be decided
In the morning it will bring itself to you
I can see what's coming, but I'm not saying it

Sickness, weakness at the thought, of how you're going to play
How long should I stay?
Promises, promises never cease to assist it, now I'm back on my back
Please bite your words
Hurry, hurry to believe, I can always trust, as much as you deceive

What can't be decided
In the morning it will bring itself to you
I can see what's coming, but I'm not saying it

What's your middle name? How do you play the game?
I'll be the first to leave
When did I grow up? I don't want to say too much
I'll be the first to leave

What can't be decided
In the morning it will bring itself to you
What can't be decided
Can fool you into thinking maybe you can choose

I can see what's coming
But I'm not saying it

Stars- Midnight Coward.....because after all we've been through... you are just another coward!!!

A breathtaking feeling.

This has been a couple of lovable weeks, ergo I haven't written. Why you ask? Why if Yazz is disgusted by world and isn't capable of it? Well folks, I hate to brake it to you I am most certainly capable of it, hahaha even if I don't shout it out and get all corny.
All of a sudden, I have realized, I haven't had much of any luck in the love department, though I'm pretty sure I'm currently in love or at least getting close to it. Destiny has always been a bitch to me, in the last case it was because I moved away and so did he, and in this case... let's just say it's far more complicated than a border dividing us. Can you believe that?

If I had a love song it would sound a little bit like this:
I can't be held responsible I won't be held responsible "I" fell in love in the first place for the life of me i cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise for the life of me i cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins we were merely freshmen

I sorta changed a couple of lyrics... so it could all fit in.

That's how things are, and that's how they'll be. Love much more than feeling, it's a state of mind, were you love those little quirks' that normal people despise; you can't stop going through the moments you have been granted with that person, you have mental flashbacks and take great pleasure in every second of it. Love can also represent different things to different people some even believe you can love different people in diverse and odd ways. And love can manifest in many unusual ways, we can't control it, we don't have a choice in the matter. There isn't a time frame for love, and most importantly, I believe, the feeling... as much as it can hurt, IT'S BREATHTAKING!!!

That's the thing...

It's true we CAN'T control our emotions, we can only control our actions.
Maybe because I don't have another choice, but I'm kind of a believer: I CAN HAVE A FEELING AND NOT ACT ON IT.... Because I couldn't live with my self if I did.

Not a very good day.. or week actually

As it turns out, the day didn’t start off that bad, as bad as the rest of the days of this bitchy week… but it exactly 9:45 it started sucking. First I fell asleep in my last two classes, including my favorite one (History III). Then I went to work, which wasn’t as bad as other days, I Just kept falling asleep as I was with my boss.

Later on, I ran home and went to turn in the papers for the national advertising contest. Finally, I got home and a friend was waiting for me… I had decided to finally give him an opportunity. But then I realized I couldn’t be with him because he lives under the influence. So I told him to bug off.

And now as I write this, laying on my sofa, I realized that I was quite stupid, thinking that he could change, that he could deserve a second chance. I’m never going to be able to get over certain things, no matter how many therapy sessions I have. Which I’m planning to ditch, it’s just not working for me, and I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO SLEEP!!

Ohh well, “Life is life”, I better live it… in the next couple of weeks I won’t be adding entries’, since finals approach, and this is the last chance to fix all the crap I’ve done this semester.