I'm sorry, I'm just not the type person to put up with that....

We can be sorry for lots of things, being unfair, being intolerable, having little patience. But there are times when you give people what they have coming, there's nothing you have to be sorry for.

And here goes the hard question, what happens when you can't clear the air, you can't even give an explanation for you actions or your "little patience"??

When you know that talking this over will just make the bomb blow.... and a hell storm will come over yourself? I can't tolerate the fact that someone does something that would piss anyone off, and later on when you try to clear things up -and be specific on what pissed you off-... the person acts all innocent, and in denial while victimizing themselves, that type of shit makes me lose "my little cool". (I say little because I've been know to lose my cool and be impulsive -although I never regret it, because they surely had it coming).

On the other hand, it's quite cool when someone apologizes for shit they pulled 6 years ago, it's quite gratifying, because once again I was right when I told a person off: "One day you'll understand that you can't pull this shit on people, and you'll regret it all your life".

Taaadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... this person, got far more than they deserved. (Much more than they deserved, but hell, it's life).

This morning didn't start out all that well....

The following events ocurred right after the events of last night (since I didn't go partying).

Riiing Riiing Riiing..... 5:30 AM: My 1st thought this morning: "Damn it, I gotta get to my 7 AM class to turn in a paper".... (flashfoward through the morning routine) before I'm out the door, my sister yells at me for a reason as idiotic as her lazy ass"That's why 'he' will never be your boyfriend".
Scene 2.... I get early to school, for the 1st time in this semester. I even run into Veneronni, (puff a wounderful teacher) and we talk about school, academia and my area, he congradulates me for being in political communication. At that point I thought, puff..... what a great way to start my day. HOW VERY WRONG I WAS!!!


Scene 3: I sit outside my classroom on the 3rd floor; and time goes by... 7:15 AM "Hmm no one has gotten to class, how wierd.. I ask Joaquin through sms...." he responds: "the teacher sent an email last night that she won't come to class". DAMN IT!! I walk out the building screaming curse words.


Scene 4, ok I calm down I get to the office and I start working -thinking ok, I'll get a head start-. Scene 5: I had to burn an international advertising festival (we have the original DVDs that the Spanish Embassy lent us) I go to desk were the cds were stored, and what do you know the DVD falls down under the drawer and I spent an hour trying to get the original DVD out. Sudeenly I stik my hand underneath the drawer, and my friggin hand get's stuck. I can't move, my cel is too far to reach.... (funny scene) don't you think. I was a half hour stuck, kicking the hell outta the desk, until I just shut my eyes and pull my hand out (It still hurts).

Scene 5: finnally I start burning the dvds, and while doing so, I went to organize the goddamn newspapers that my boss had left out for me.

Scene 7: I finish my work, my boss comes trought the door with more newspapers. And right now I'm thinking "ohh hell no, I'm not going through the whole newspaper ordeal"

I'M IN DESPERATE NEED OF A DRINK!!!

Educational Crisis

Inspite current events, when everyone is talking about: economics, crisis, poverty, unemployment I can only think of my crisis the one college has begun to put me in a dilemma. I must be honest, I’m in desperate need of some input on the subject…

Here you see, the thing goes like so… I thought, in my bliss ignorance, that in college I would learn it all, everything I need to succeed and become what I want to, learn those little things, those details you need to know to work in this business. U

But the thing is, I let myself become convinced of that, I was stuck in my own fixated reality. And actually things aren’t what I thought, you see, I think that I’m not learning what I should be learning, and I’m actually going through the motions at school. Most of my teachers are Marxists’ that don’t see more than what they want to. Sooo after a tough ass exam I got in, and I was happy as hell, though a bit unsure that I had made the right "career" choice... still wanting to become a lawyer

On Tuesday (2 weeks ago), speaking with my high school principal –a genius, I might add- a guy who can rationalize and make my college teachers look like ignorant wimps with false arguments. You see talking to him, I realized that I learn more talking to a guy like him, than talking to 99.9999% of the teachers I’ve had classes with – with the exception of Tenorio of course-.

This dilemma, started off on Tuesday, reading a whole lot of things on the Obama Campaign, I almost had a heart attack, when I saw that Jon Favreau -the guy who wrote Obama’s speeches- is only 27 years old, and of course his P.A is only 24. Daaang…. That’s do a whole lot, in a young age! Imagine that, a 24 year old, with the prez’s agenda!!! Why can’t people have that kind of opportunities in this country “in development”.

Is it worth it to be almost 5 years studying this, when I’m clearly seeing that I’m not learning enough? I mean, hell, don’t think I’m slaking off… I’m doing a whole lot by myself, besides reading actually good books. But should I stay or should I go? Is the paper that worth it. I thought that going into my option I would be happy, and it's be a terrible week, things are officially worse than ever!! What to do?? Should I just go through with it?? Should I stay or should I go? I want to specialize on political marketing, media training, and crisis.... and I'm sure as hell not getting any of that with all the Marxists theoreicals my college makes me lear and bullshit around!!

A Friday adventure...

Like any other Friday, I fixed my social schedule to go on a drinking frenzy, but things didn’t go according to plan… as it turns out Daniel wanted to celebrate his b-day with me and Cora, so we got together, all 3 of us were late, the drinking marathon didn’t start very well, but we proceeded to try and make the best of it.
First, we went to the “yardas”, and no surprise there, we couldn’t get a table, so we headed to “Pabellon Copilco” a place where I hate going, but we really didn’t much of a choice, due to the fact we all had plans afterwards, little money, and almost out of gas. It was even worse than usual, so we democratically decided to proceed to the wonderful “azteconas”, and get 5 liters of beer and go on campus to drink without major troubles.
We bought our delicious aztecona mixed draft beers with a perfect blend of lime and chili, and after 15 minutes we finally were able to get a parking space in the department of philosophy of the prestigious National Autonomous University of Mexico –which today occupies position 51 in the best universities in the world, according to the online rankings- so there were a couple of tailgate parties, but nothing to crazy.
Then, just then we realized… it was the yearly “donkey burn”, which is a tradition that college students perform every year before the UNAM- POLI football game. We didn’t mind them, and we headed to the green area while I called the mobile company and yelled at “Guillermo” because my friends new phone line wasn’t up yet, when we got to the green area, we saw people running towards us, and we heard blasters go off, but we didn’t mind.
Daniel was so calm, he even went down to light his cigarette, Cora and I proceeded to sit, and admire the campus. Suddenly, a couple of campus security men told us to stand up and start walking, as it turns out the burn, wasn’t going according to plan, and we had to evacuate the campus. People were frantically running towards us… therefore I proceeded to finish 2 of 5 beers, and we had 3 left, we calmly walked to the street with our azteconas.
Sundenly all hell broke loose, Daniel had gone straight into the conflict area, so we put our 3 beers, on the yellow rail, and I got under it… suddenly the bottles the assholes were throwing we too close, so Cora and I had to leave our beers, and we crossed the street dodging the crap and they were throwing. We finally got to the other side were the “useful” city police were talking on their walkie-talkies and taking pictures (and not arresting anyone), while people were beating each other.
All of a sudden, I take a look at our beers and a son of a bitch picks one up and throws it, I scream in anger –hahahah-. A couple of minutes later, the accumulation of individuals, with high school t-shirts, and beer bottles we going towards the dean’s office, so I crossed the street frantically, and save 2 of the 3 beers. Daniel had finally gotten back from trying to light his cig, and we laid down to joke about the whole ordeal.
As it turns out, some students from philosophy didn’t want high school bitches at our campus, so the proceeded to beat them with sticks, and the high-schoolers –drunken and disorderly- threw beer bottles at them, and exploding cocktails, hitting 4 students, 2 of them were injured badly in the head and face.
These violent events started at 6: 45 and ended at 7:15, at 8:00 I left the campus, and went to another b-day celebration. It was a Friday full of adrenaline, but dangerous none the less. Thank heavens5 high school "students" will be expelled after this little mishap, they deserve that and more, stupid sons of bitches.

Here's the video, we where standing a couple of feet behind who shot the video.

Ughhh....

Why must the past always come back to haunt me? Why can't certain people just get over somethings? Umm, well maybe because I CAN'T!!!

An accusation.

Scene 1. Gabriel: “You sound like that one kid who said that a dictatorship is the best democracy”.

Scene 2. Yaz: “Discussing about how the media should be isn’t going to change it”.

Gabriel “Well, here we come to discuss how media should be”.

Yaz (to herself and under her breath). “That’s not going to get me a job, or feed me, or clothe me. That’s philosophy, not communication.”

Scene 3: Yaz: “We can’t expose our opinion on laws, education, welfare, economics, everything. We don’t have enough bases on any of those subjects; we are not made to comment about everything. That’s the same thing that pisses us off about talk shows.”

Gabriel “There’s Fatima Fernandez, she comments about anything”.

Yaz (to herself and under her breath). “She’s a sociologist; she’s not a communication expert, it’s not the same”.

Scene 4: Gabriel “You have a B. Why can’t you write properly?”

Yaz: “Umm, well, umm, Spanish isn’t my native language”.

Gabriel snickers, and says “OK”.

I thought back of all the particulars throughout the semester and I came to a conclusion, he didn’t like me because I didn’t think like him, OK, he didn’t have to like me, but he had an obligation to at least respect me. Why? Because the hypocrite at the beginning of the semester clearly said: “here you can all speak your mind”. Well pure honky donky… he didn’t respect me or my way of thinking, the jackass wouldn’t have had to, if he hadn’t acted as if he were quite open. Just like a congruent adult would assume.

It’s quite funny how he babbled on about censorship, and he takes it to the next level at his own classroom. Quite pathetic you wouldn’t think?

I’m past it, but I would really like to accuse, Gabriel Romero Hernandez, for the hideous crime of banning my liberty of speech. He is one of those intolerant teachers at the National Autonomous University of Mexico, in the Faculty of Political and Social Science, but he’s the worst kind, because he passes off as a nice “open” kind of guy, with a dynamic class, and “easy” exams. Pure crap, his exams are so subjective, a priest would be more objective. And as to open, open ha, yeah right, a pro life protester is much more open than him. Sad isn’t it?
But on the other hand, I have just officially ended with this torturing semester. So 4 gone, 5 to go. Huraaahhh. I will pick my teachers more carefully next time, and I won’t, I repeat, I WON’T Guide my decisions on second opinions.

I hate….

There are a whole lot of things I really despise in life, and I can’t write about them because they would take a whole lot of space. Though if I had to choose the most despised, it would be giving explanations for my actions. You see, I don’t really find it “amusing” having to explain myself. The things I do, and the way I do them, is because I want to do them the way I do them! (hahaha sounds like a syllogism).

I have always known this about myself, though, today I went crazy, because she asked: “why are you going to the shop downstairs?” I spent over 10 minutes wasting my time explaining my homework and such… it was quite a draaaag. And that always happens to me, I tend to become frustrated with almost anyone, when I have explain my actions, see I don’t have problems with consequences and being held accountable for my actions, but I HATE… having to explain myself, I always have and always will.

The events of last night….

Before doing my homework, while the events are quite freshly saved in my memory, I shall proceed to explain, with excruciating detail all the crap that went down yesterday….

There was this party/concert, and I wasn’t in the mood for it, but oh well… I ended up going against my will (just kidding, I don’t do things against my will). After being exploited in the office, we went along, to get our party on… We arrived, at the time my dear friend Zamorano was signing his Mexican tunes. Some bitch friends that Edgar bought along were being completely rude to him, but oh well, I ignored their pathetic asses. Late on, Edgar, and “Puma[1]” got into an argument because Puma’s stupid ass told Edgar that his sister fucked nice, Edgar was about to kick his ass, but he was pulled away.

I kept drinking like there was no tomorrow. Around 8, a fight broke out, outside, Edgar kicked stupid Puma’s ass, but it didn’t end there, everyone was jumping in. Zamorano later on considered a good idea to piss Edgar off, so I kind of jumped in, in between them. I got kicked, because I jumped in... I had my "BROTHERS BACK" (my bro, being Zamorano)

The cops were called, and everything cooled down, though at that point I noticed… I HAVE VERY FEW FRIENDS AT COLLEGE, THANK GOD FOR MY HIGHSCHOOL FRIENDS WHO DON´T GET INTO FIGHTS OVER STUPIDITIES !!!!

The partying continued… and… I was just a taaaad tipsy, and this little “gentleman”, who considers himself very smart, humorous and amusing, decided it was a good idea to flirt with me, the only problem is that, I DON’T LIKE HIM, and just as I told him “I don’t want problems because you why can’t you get it”[2] he responded, the most pathetic thing ever “I like you when you hate me”… Finally I was pulled away from him, by two great friends (Cora and Daniel). The night ended for me, I had to get home, because my family has trust issues with me, I went on home, and ended up walking (drunk) with Many for more than an hour, because there was no longer public transportation. It was one of the best night walks I’ve had in a long time; we talked a whole lot, though most things are quite private…. And that’s about it…. Have a good one; I must finish all of my essays… se ya….

PD. I finally had my 1^st session with my shrink today, it was quite interesting.

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[1] a skinny bitch ass, junkie, friend of Zamorano. Who I dislike, do to his inappropriate comments.

[2] I already have problems with a so called friend, because the bigot is in “love” with him, and this certain someone, says that I’m an alcoholic and every time I can, I flirt with him. And that I can’t be trusted, pff hahaha stupid ass people who are impressed by his “big words”.

College hopelessness

Lately, I’ve been out of tune at the prestigious Department of Politics and Social Science. I guess it’s all due to fact that I was expecting a great semester, and it turned out a pretty crappy one, I’m tired of the philosophical input in a major that ISN’T PHILOSOPHICAL!!! I have been thinking toughly and; I really like the carrier, I just don’t agree with most of the teachers and their beliefs. I’m going to try rigorously to complete excellent essays, because I’ve really been slacking off with mediocre papers and such. I’m seriously going to try harder, and try to lower just a tiny notch the excess lifestyle I endure, that way I’ll know what the real problem is, it might not even be the teachers, and it could even be a 100% me. It’s worrying since, it cost me hellas to get here, and I can’t just throw it all away.

Contemplation

The other day, I went to see a movie, one of those good American: crazed serial killer Vs good emotionally distant FBI agents films. In which of course the good FBI agents win the final battle. But the point is… there was a phrase that left me thinking, the main character, says at one point… “I can do lots of things… but I’m not good at dealing with death”.. .and I wondered… “Is anyone good at dealing with losing a loved one?”I still haven’t met anyone who laughs when a loved one dies. Oh well… until the next time.

An eventful Friday.

Agh, I’m going mad, the new friggin’ neighbor up in 502, is doing some renovating in her department. I can’t sleep, I got home a few hours ago, and I’m hung-over with head pain, my ribs hurt, I have an unsatisfying thirst, chest pain; but on the bright side, I’m inspired…

It’s official… Under any circumstance I can´t be trusted. I can’t control myself, goddamn it. What are you going to think about a nearly 20 year old, who doesn’t know what self control is? It’s quite weak and the fact of the matter is that I’m really weak.

You’re probably thinking?? Damn, who did she kill? Well that’s the worst part; my actions didn’t affect anyone else but me (well maybe I sort of screwed up the night of a couple of friends, but nothing too serious, I think). I should’ve gone home when I had a chance, I shouldn’t have stayed there. So many should’ves, it is really quite a pity (haha note the rhyme). I’m starting to think that I should stop partying all together, since dear old “mature” Yazzz can’t put a restraint on her self. I’m not going into the “grouse” details.

The worse thing is, that I really got home after all the detours, but noooo… that wasn’t enough… I had to go on and on, and get even more screwed up. I know that if I continue this path, it’s not going to lead to anywhere beneficial. I really have to stop this, even if it means no more partying. I have to learn to have fun without the festivities.

What a day

Hey folks, today, were quite a varied day for me, I have discovered some health issues thanks to my wild lifestyle, buy I know it’s not something that can’t be fixed, it has a solution, have a more responsible lifestyle, avoid smoking, drinking and etc.

On the other hand, I had a wonderful time with my high school friends, fist with Topo and Zamo, we sooooo obviously caught up on resent events, and told each other exactly what we thought (in a totally brotherhoody sort of way). Later with Cheko, Damian and Gloria, we went housepary searching, we finnaly found the abandoned house, later we went for some drinks we totally had a blast, gossiping on superficial things, and catching up on the resent things in each other’s lives as well.

It was a great day, though I might be prohibited something’s that I really enjoy, I must stop, unless I want to get myself killed at the young age of 19.

Monday is my English exam, I really hope I pass, since I have been practicing on my English grammar and such, I must to do well, if I don’t it’s going to be quite depressing. Tuesday is the public opinion class examination, I’m not nervous, I’m not even going to study, going to leave things more to destiny now a days. I emphasize, this is going to be one hell of a week. Until the next inspirational moment.

Sad but true...

Boring and long weeks approach, all consistent with a ton of a work load dreadful classes and whatnot; the list of truly mind-numbing things could go on and on.

In the prestigious Political Science and Social Science department, of the National Autonomous University of Mexico, I have finally discovered a truly amazing fact. I’m being taught to keep my mouth shut and be a total and complete demagogue. Ironic isn’t it? It’s the first thing “idealists” fight for in classes, and it’s the first thing they lose voluntarily due to sucking up to the teacher, which makes it ten times more dismal.

College should be one of places were you can completely express your thoughts, because entering in the occupation life you won’t be able to do so. It’s depressing when you have to think like a professor, talk like a teacher, even if some of the time she o her doesn’t have the one and only truth (haha considering that there is no one and only truth in social sciences).

I really despise the matter; it’s a way for people to not carry out liberty of speech, just to suck up and not show themselves differently from the professor. Not expressing what you believe is one of the worst crimes that are committed with those fascists’ teachers, and I`m protected by both Mexican[1] and United States[2] Law.

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[1] 6^th article contained in the Mexican Federal Constitution. This clearly states… “6°.- The manifest of ideas will not be subject to a judicial or administrative felony”.

[2] The First Amendment protects freedom of speech, press, religion, assembly and petition. ....

It's Been a Long Year, Since We Last Spoke.

I found my self quite upset. Therefore I shall detail the really shitty things I`ve noticed about this week:

1. Will, died exactly a year ago

2. My situation with a friend just got a little more complicated, there’s no control.

3. I noticed I’m quite mediocre in some aspects

4. I have relapsed over and over again, and I`m quite scared

5. I cried my self to sleep all this week

6. I’ve noticed that some people aren’t worth it, people whom one day meant a lot.

7. My sister is still an insufferable bitch.

This is the story of an arrogant girl whom has written many letters in her head, all of them, addressed to you, which makes her think that they got lost in the mail. No matter how many times she hides the fact your dead, it’s constant, it haunts her like a nightmare, it won`t let he sleep. Regret is definitely the worst feeling. Lament for not having the courage to have looked him in the eyes and told him how she felt, constantly thinking that things could have been diverse if only the nerve were present. She tries to forget, trying to ignore by laughing, avoiding failure and the hard fall. Will was this girl’s childhood friend, her neighbor, her mentor, her first of almost everything, always there until the day of his death, a true friend who constantly had the satiric comment.

It’s true no matter how hard she tries, she encloses on a constant self destructive personality, feeling guilty about living, convinced to have deserved his fate, having done so much wrong, so much harm: SHE WOULD HAVE DESERVED THAT. She lives in bitterness, she would have traded him the place she rightfully was worthy of.

She still looks for him online, hopping every single day since February 28^th that his screen name would show up, that he would just magically appear and talk, make jokes and give advice; his death has made me feel so alone, so bitter, so guilty, so regretful, it left her scarred.

She didn’t have a single lament, before that day but she feels sorry for herself. She’ll never forget him, though you’ll never know how she cries alone. She took him for granted, looking back on all of those days she had him, and she thinks to herself in those moments everyone is distracted: “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME”.

HIS MEMORY WON`T LET GO.

RIP: WILLIAM JARED SMITH. Jan 1988-Feb 2007